Darkest Life

I was in my car and i could not help but look at you sitting by the bus loading area. I seen sadness in you and I also felt it. I know that what I was doing was so damn wrong. You were hurting and all i was thinking was getting attention from my ex. Here sat my girlfriend, the one that cared and loved me, the one that seen the good in me. So many nights we would fight and I just seen you as being a bitch, the truth is that you just wanted your baby to love you. I continued to wash away all the goodness that your heart had to offer. I was so abusive to you, i beat you physically and mentally. You stuck by my dumb ass all the way up until you found out that i cheated on you. Everyone does have a breaking point. That day changed my life forever, you are the one I should have given that ride home.

High on life is what I thought that I was and now I see that the image that I had is nothing more than just an image. This reality that I thought was real is not. At times of anger and frustration we all tend to say and do things that mimic the truth of our minds. I am a slave to all of my feelings and I am now the most lost person that I know. If i go one way, I look back and wish that I went the other. What way is right? When is the right time to fight and the time for us to let go? Each day it seems to get more and more confusing. I honestly do not know what I want anymore. What i want does not seem to be what I really want. I am frustrated beyond measure. 

I can see you as soon as I walk through the doors from work

You are laying on the sofa with your face down in the pillow

Why is the love of my life so upset?, what has happened?

I sit next to you and kiss the back of your head

You turn over and look at me, your eyes are full of tears

To my surprise you start smiling as you put your arms around me

What is the matter I ask, you say to me with such love in your eyes

I was sad because you were not here, now I have you with me again

Inside of my body I could feel an eruption of feelings

You love with with all that you are, you miss me as soon as that door closes 

My heart is yours always, I need you in my life forever

I kiss your lips and then begin to kiss those sweet tears of love

You are my star, my heaven, my everything

I know what kind of person that you are, you fool all that you come in contact with

I was your fool, blinded by your beauty and what you can sexually do for me

No longer am I tricked into doing what you want

This day was my very last straw, i can see you for who you are

Your tales of life being hard on you do not phase me

Do not call on my love if you are not prepared to use it

So many want my attention and i give it all to you

It is over, now I will make my long term plan to go

Stay where you are and entertain those who you believe are friends

No one is perfect but I do try my very best to make you happy

Fall back into your crowd of fakeness and let me move forward

Today is the last, last worry, last care, last when and why, the last time you put tears in my eyes

Goodbye and peace be with you, I must go and persue my calling

I may be near or far but stay where you are, I am washing myself of you

No man like me can put up with what you do

A kiss on your forehead and a hug goodnight

My body is far too tired for another fight

I do not feel sad, I do not feel pain

Nothing can touch me, not the darkness or the rain

Look at me now as you looked at me before

You can't hide from me so open that door

The pressure is on and I am coming strong now

Learn to live, learn to survive, life is to be enjoyed or else you'll drown

Forever and always is what we are use to hearing

Remember my words because I am the one you'll be fearing

Unstoppable and definitely uncontrollable

I see your tears falling because you're too emotional

You can taste it like that kiss last night

Our love ended without one single fight

Its over now and it never will be an us again

Walk the other way because Tonight I'm going in

My heart beat increased and I felt myself starting to fall down. My breathing became too damn hard to do, what is happening to me? I look over to my right and i see pieces of my heart laying on the ground. I feel a tear rolling down my face as i feel the seconds counting down. I am dying inside, please someone call a doctor, come save me. I am trying to gather the pieces of my heart but those pieces break into smaller pieces. Noooo I need you, someone out there help me. No one hears my calls for help, I never imagined dying alone and so sad, the pain is unbearable. I watched out as my eyes began to close and I knew that it was the end. The next day came and i was still alive, I was thankful to still be here on earth and among my loved ones. I still hurt so much but I am not down like I was the day it happened. Today I stand and become stronger than ever, things will be different now and ............

I would always wonder where the love in my life had gone, one day it was there and then all of a sudden it had disappeared. I walked around not knowing what love even felt like anymore. You changed the direction that I was going in. I wanted to be sad and to give up but you would not let that happen. You opened your arms and your heart. I layed on your bed and you layed down next to me. You looked me in my eyes, no words were spoken and I knew just how you felt about me. You came closer and layed your head on my chest and put your arm across me. I then put my arm around you and held you so close to me. Whats going on I first thought but then it happened. I felt my heart release this warmth that I had not felt for so very long. All I wanted to do was to lay there and hold you as long as possible. Please oh please let this women be mine I thought to myself. Time had passed and you looked at me, once again our eyes were locked on each other. Your beautiful eyes called to me, I went for the kiss. The touch of your lips  on mine was so soft, I felt as if i was butter melting under high heat. I was consumed by you, my heart had a jump start. We layed there in bed and kissed for an hour straight. It was so slow and soft, we took our time on each other. It didnt feel like obligation or force of habit, this was natural. You brought back the life in me and I was truly happy. Could it be, this woman has awakened my love that was lost so many years ago. The sweet affection that I had longed for had finally arrived. When we finally took a break from kissing I could not say anything except 4 word, "Will you be mine?". You smiled at me and said yes, I was once again complete. The missing love has returned to me in the soul of my new love. Each day that passes now I think of you, you are one with me. You are in my life and you do not want to go away. Closer and closer we get and I know that there is nothing that will stop us from growing. 

I use to look up to you and want nothing more than to be around you. Days have gone by and the nights become more lonely. I look to you to come and rescue me from this dark place. I call on you, I beg you, I tell you that I need you. Your response to my cries are not met with even a simple reply. I have found myself becoming stronger, I need you less each day. The joy that I receive does not come from you. I have found a new light in my life and you are slowly being replaced. Rather you care or not it really does not matter. I can not let my heart lay on the floor all shattered. My smile must over come my frown. I will not be taken prisoner by my pain, I am better, I am stronger, I am worthy of more. Today is the day that i have decided that you are no longer my hero.